Which Horse Are You Riding On?

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Ever wonder what predicts divorce or a break up in a relationship? I do!  And so did Dr. John Gottman, known for his work on marital stability and relationship analysis.
Gottman employs scientific direct observations and methods to study marriages.  In his research, he found that not all negatives are alike.

According to his scientific studies, four patterns of interaction stood out as the most predictive of marital conflict and – ultimately – divorce.  He named these four patterns The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

 

 

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Betrayal

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What’s the worst betrayal of trust you can think of?  I know what you are thinking – cheating is!  It’s the ultimate betrayal – you say – and the one that ends the relationship.

Unfaithfulness is painful!  But there is another form of betrayal that is more dangerous and equally – if not more – painful!  And it starts long before infidelity creeps in.

This betrayal is sneaky!  It can be incredibly deceptive!  It enters relationship when you least expect it and sneaks out long after the damage is done!

It goes by the name of DISENGAGMENT!  It doesn’t care about you!  It lets go of connection you have!  It is selfish and only things about the self!  It doesn’t want to devote any time and effort on the relationship!

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5 Communication Mistakes Every Couple Makes!

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Communication you say?  But I talk to my partner ALL the time!  Well guess what, talking to your partner does not automatically mean you are communicating!  Lets think of the word ‘communication’ itself for a second.  The definition of which is, “exchange of information or news”.  Now allow yourself to reflect for a few seconds, when was the last time you actually exchanged information with your partner?  Take last night for an instance, when you came home from work and talked to your partner about your day.  How well do you think you were able to communicate your stress related to work, excitement with getting a new project completed, or the longing you felt as you wished for the day to be over?  Chances are, you did a good job of talking about your day without even communicating!  Don’t sweat it.  Couples make mistakes communicating all the time, and the good news is that communication is a skill that can be learned and improved upon.  Here are 5 common communication mistakes that I observed couples make:

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Does Your Personal Life Cease to Exist When Your Elder Parent Moves In?

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In the past, American culture has emphasized the traditional nuclear family consisting of a pair of adults and their non-adult children.  These days, multigenerational households are becoming increasingly more common.  As lifespans grow longer, healthcare costs rise, and financial inability to afford a home increases, more and more adults find themselves in a position to bring their aging parents into their home.  A decision to share a household brings up variety of challenges ranging from financial to personal, with caregiving (a person involved in assisting others with activities of daily living and/or medical tasks) being the most difficult.  Consider the following statistics:

·       More than 34 million unpaid caregivers provide care to someone age 18 and older who is ill or has a disability (AARP, 2008).

·       An estimated 21% of households in the United States are impacted by caregiving responsibilities (NAC, 2004).

·       Unpaid caregivers provide an estimated 90%of the long-term care (IOM, 2008).

·       The typical caregiver is a 46-year-old woman with some college experience and provides more than 20 hours of care each week to her mother (NAC, 2004).

·       Caregivers report having difficulty finding time for one’s self (35%), managing emotional and physical stress (29%), and balancing work and family responsibilities (29%) (NAC, 2004).

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